09 October 2007

(bl)ASS(t) from the past

JenLa are hosting Show Us Your Ass Wednesdays for the month of October, and I have to post here to play. So dust off the screen, and check out my ass story.

The place: Bellows AFS, Hawaii
The time: Superbowl week, 1992
The players: Bluejinx and Fozzie, and another couple

The four of us are on Hawaii for a well deserved vacation. Two of us are there to get engaged. The other two discover on Superbowl Sunday that they need to skip straight to getting married.

On our first morning, we head out to enjoy some fun in the sun. The guys take off for a walk or a swim, I can't remember now. Blondie and I want to work on our tans--yeah right!

For those of you who travel to Hawaii from the states in wintertime, Hawaii is nice and warm. We have come from Guam, which is much more tropical than Hawaii. I was freezing the entire time we were in Hawaii!!! Sad but true. So Blondie and I have our blanket down and I am trying to keep still and not shiver in the strong headwind coming off the ocean. Blondie is putting on a ton of sunscreen--she is very very white.

Suddenly, Blondie says "OMG where is the camera?? Quick, sit up and find the camera!!"

I roll up and off to my left is an old couple walking down the beach. Now, Bellows is a private beach, a recreation facility for all active duty and retired branches of the military--one of the best kept secrets in the military. So the old folks are more than likely retired.

They are wearing sun visors and it appears that Grandpa is wearing a speedo, which is scary enough to begin with. But as they pass by, we see that it is not just a speedo--Grandpa is wearing a THONG!!!!!!

OMG!! We are sitting and staring at either Wrinkled Old Sgt Ass or Priviledged Puckered Officer Ass. Either way we just about died trying not to laugh. It was a truly heinous heinie. Since it is a private beach, they will have to come back by, which is when we snapped the picture above. I'm not sure what the quality on the net will be, but Grandma is wearing a red one piece, and Grandpa is wearing a light blue THONG.

We never saw them again during our stay at Bellows. And 15 years later, I'm happy to report that both couples are still married and going strong! And no, it wasn't Fozzie and I that HAD to get married. That was Blondie and her man, and the baby is now freshman in high school.

My my, how time does fly.

22 August 2006

Not-the-End of Summer Update

It's been hot here in L.A. over the summer. Very hot. Talking in the 100's for many days in a row hot. Talking electric bills that make you pass out when you see the total due on them. I wish fall would get here. It's not due till December or January. Living where it doesn't snow is not that great of a deal.

So here is a very good question: If it is still getting to the high-90's(F) by mid-day, why do I keep hearing that summer is over? According to the calendar summer has another month to run. Down here in L.A. it sometimes seems as if summer doesn't end until December or January. Oh to live someplace that experiences a real fall. Or is that a real winter? Because honestly, January and February feel like fall down here. At least spring feels like spring! Back to the original question. If the start of school is the signal that summer is over, then what will we use when school becomes a year round event?

And now we return you to the original subject: The Update.
Its been hot. Very hot. And its still hot. It will be hot for the foreseeable future. We spend most of our time inside. The good news: NO hurricanes for us so far this season.

The riding lawnmower broke, Sears said we blew a head gasket. A local guy fixed it for $170, replaced plugs, fuel filter and another piece. Half an acre with a pushmower isn't fun. I'm sure my neighbors were thrilled when I mowed the grass at 0700. I wanted to be done before it hit 95 degrees.

The Geek bought a new car - a Honda Civic Hybrid. He is a geek and likes to play with the latest technology. I got his older car and sold mine.

I've been doing a lot of work on crafts, see other blog. That's the highlights of my summer.

14 July 2006

I'm not dead yet............

just have had my hands full lately.

On the left are my Trekking XXL color 104 Lacy Mock Cable socks.
On the right are TETs Trekking XXL color 106 plain socks.

29 June 2006

Ice cold sweet tea is a diet drink.

I did the math to prove it. 12 ounces of the sweet tea The Geek makes has fewer calories in it than 12 ounces of Coke C2 (which is billed as half the calories of regular coke). Exactly 10 fewer calories. Yes, it is sweet tea. He makes his sweeter than I make mine also. Why did I bother to do the calculations? You know why - to make it okay to drink sweet tea when the Doc said I need to lose a few pounds. So I gave up my C2 and switched to a drink with less calories. Logical, right?

27 June 2006

Creating a post just so one gets done

After all if we don't put new stuff out here, who is gonna read it?

Today's subject is Nature's Art. While the girls were visiting I pulled a weed up that was growing underneath my deck. I didn't get what I expected. I mean, I expected roots, lots of roots. This is what I got:

Take a good look at that. Doesn't it look like a 'modern art' sculpture of someone laying on their side, one leg shoved forward, with their arm curled around their chest. That purplish-red bit at the top doesn't count. That one little rootlet curling 'round is the arm.

To get an idea of the size, it's longer than my forearm. What happened to all the rootlets that should be growing off of it?

31 May 2006

Home again - Darn it!!!

We're back in hot, stuffy, humid, sticky Fla. I repeat, this couple will not be going on anymore cruises. Island all-inclusives fit us to a tee. Here's a couple of pictures from the island.

Oh yes - never give the camera to your DH and tell him to take some interesting pictures of the hotel. HE said he was taking pictures of the supersized chess set.

DH was smart enough not to try and get her phone number. So don't ask, we don't know who she is. Strangely enough, the guy who was playing the chess match with her won.

24 May 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday Tattoo Edition

The moment you've all been waiting for, the climax of PanhandlePalooza!!
I got mine on a Thursday, natch.

TET got her 25 year old kitty re-inked on Friday night.

Big thanks to Sandy @ Alans Cool Ink in Destin, Florida. If you are ever in Destin, stop by and tell Sandy that the "Middle-Aged Broads" sent ya!!

Just Another Day in Paradise

I´m loving it, so is the Geek. Went on an excursion around the southern tip of D.R. yesterday. Very interesting, think Thailand countryside and building methods, Guam style food. We felt right at home. Went shopping on the economy this morning, think pushy vendors on St Maartin´s. Dinner, think European style dining, umpteen courses, rich black coffee, fabulous desserts. Wonderful day at the beach, these guys do not stint on the alcohol or service. We´ve had no problems with any of the normal travellers complaints, knock on wood.

Yes, there are some punctuation and spelling problems in these posts. The computer is insisting on typing in Espanol. The employees get a kick out of our bad Spanish.

I don´t want to go home.

Yes Jinx, there is a casino. The resort trolley stops at it every 20 minutes. But you can smoke anywhere you want here so you don´t have to go to the casino for a cig.

Time for my late night mochachino. BTW, the food is fantastic and there is plenty of it.


Day 2

After the pick-up debacle at O’Charlies, the 3 Amigas headed home to catch the Geek up on our adventures so far. Poor Geek. He had had a long week so far, and with TET and I in the house, his weekend was looking grim. After giving him our leftovers to have a late dinner with, I crashed on the futon for an uncomfortable nights sleep. Thank goodness for Flexeril!! Upon complaining to TJ next morning, she was very quick to inform me that now I knew how she felt when visiting me!!!!! YIKES!!! All I can say is that one day when we’re finished paying for Surlymon’s college we will try to fix up the sleeping situations.

We spent the rest of Friday lazing about, recovering from the nightmare that was I-10, and preparing for Round 2 at the tattoo parlor. We decided to go early, in case Dip and Stick had skipped their appointments giving us an early evening. As expected, Dip and Stick had not shown, but in their place was a young woman getting a shoulder tattoo. TET and I stuck our heads in the room to chat with Sandy, who asked to see my tat from the night before. I yanked up my pants leg and told everyone that when I woke up on Friday I asked TET and TJ exactly when this tattoo was supposed to hurt. Laughing at myself, I looked up and got a good look at the youngster in the chair. She looked about 18, rather large and was gripping the chair for dear life as huge tears rolled down her face. Holy Shit. Feeling foolish, I made a hasty exit as TET continued to chat with Sandy.

“Crying Cathy” kept us waiting right up until our appointment times. We were not even sure she was gonna make it thru, as she was tore up just getting the outline!!! In researching the Dos and Don’ts of getting tattoos, one of the things they tell you is YES, its gonna hurt. The tattoo artist can do NOTHING about the pain, and does NOT want to listen to you piss and moan and carry on while getting your tattoo. Apparently Crying Cathy didn’t do her research, which meant that Sandy was in a less than good mood by the time TET got in the chair.

While we were waiting, TJ decided that she needed to have her ear cartlidge pierced. I told her flat out that there was no way in hell I was gonna join her on this little venture, but I did grab a camera. See for yourself how much fun THAT was.

Finally it was TET’s turn to get ink. As I mentioned before, TET had a 25 year old cougar on her thigh that needed re-inking, and as her tat was gonna take longer than TJ’s, she went first. Sandy was in a foul mood from Crying Cathy and her gang and now she had to deal with us. I was very glad I had gone the night before. See for yourself how enthused Sandy was to be dealing with a bunch of Middle Aged Broads on an otherwise beautiful Friday night.

In honor of The Yarn Harlot, I brought my knitting. TET bought sock yarn in Asheville a year ago, and I was almost finished with sock #1, and what better place to finish it off than at a tattoo parlor while TET was getting ink. Sandy almost fell off her chair when they told her what I was doing—“Nobody has ever knitted in my store before!!”

Can’t say that now!!!

TET models the finished sock mid-tattoo.
TET's tat took 1 1/2 hours, and there was much bleeding involved. Stuck pigs have got nothing on TET. TET claimed that the process was not so much painfull as it was abrasive. My pain threshold at this point was registering sunburn--hot and tight was the most discomfort I felt.

After burning a couple of fags, it was TJ's turn in the hot seat. Threats upon my life prevent me from giving any photographic evidence that TJ did indeed get a second tattoo, but I will tell you that it hurt like hell, and I'm not getting one there. As you can see here, Sandy was getting tired of us Middle Aged Broads and our boring-assed tattoos.

Sometime before midnight, we left Sandy in peace. I can't recommend her enough, so if you're ever in Destin, stop by and tell her the Middle Aged Broads sent ya.This post is long enough for now, so we will finish up this story tomorrow on Half Nekkid Thursday. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?