Counting down till our cruise.

If you’ve been paying attention you will have noticed that a group of us are going on a cruise here pretty soon. We’ve been planning this for at least a year. Women will understand – planning includes things like formal dresses and being seen in a bathing suit. To that end I’ve been actively hoping, half-heartedly pursuing a little weight loss. I didn’t have a poundage in mind just a dress size. I’ve barely reached the minimum acceptable dress size and have been struggling to stay there. Giving in that I wasn’t going to lose much more I went out and bought new undies and uncovered Mother Nature’s weight plan. Take note: This is not a weight LOSS plan.

Go out and buy new bras in your current size. You’ve been putting this off, claiming you will lose the weight and get back into the expensive bras you already own. But it hasn’t happened yet. Buy new, larger ones and throw out those tight ones. As soon as the trash-man has carted them off you’ll start losing weight. It won’t work until the trash-man has gone because there can be no chance of recovering the old bras. The combination of throwing out the expensive bras and spending excessive money on new bras will create the weight loss.

As soon as you lose the weight DO NOT go out and buy smaller bras. That action is guaranteed to put the weight back on you. You have now spent excessive money on smaller bras so the body’s natural reaction is to gain weight so they are unusable. If you still have the larger bras handy then your body will gain enough weight that they will no longer fit either. Do the same thing with your clothes. I swear this works.

If you need to gain weight (I’m sure only about 5 people fall into this category) then buy clothes that fit precisely/completely. Clothes in which there is no room for another pound. Get rid of any clothes that are a little bigger. It’s the same as the bra theory only in reverse. Since you no longer have loose-fitting clothes your body will automatically gain enough weight to make the clothes you do have feel uncomfortable.

If you don’t want to gain weight, then whatever you do, DO NOT buy clothes that have any spare room in them. Your body will make the connection between you not wanting to gain weight, and the spare room in the clothes, and gain weight immediately.

And there you have it, my thoroughly tested hypothesis. I expect that the feedback I will receive on this post will be sufficient to declare this a scientific law.