Collections : Cluttering up your life/time

People collect many things: Barbies, butterflies, state quarters, books, rocks, artwork, David Winter cottages, dragons, pottery, antiques, comic books, teapots. You name it, someone collects it. I’m just as guilty as the next person. One of the things I collect is wise, witty, sometimes downright funny, but always on target, sayings. Here are a few of my favorites:

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Keep staring at me. I might do a trick.
This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
You’re just jealous that the voices talk to me.
Do not talk with this person until after their second cup of tea every morning.
Drive defensively – buy a tank.
I live in my own little worlds, but it’s okay….they know me here.
“In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on a woman.” (Nancy Aster)
I’m confused ….wait maybe I’m not.
We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view, why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? (I suspect only computer savvy people will get this one.)
“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” (Betty Reese)
My dreams are not dead, they are only sleeping.
“We’re all in this alone.” (Lily Tomlin)
Due to budgetary constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel will be shut off until further notice.
The nice part about living in a small town is when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it “Closed for remodeling.” **Caution – leave air holes.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

And one especially for BlueJinx:
“It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us but the confident knowledge that they will help us.” (Epicurus, Greek philosopher, 341-270 B.C.E.)