Of mice and men

You might have guessed that we are having a mouse problem around here. The little fuckers have taken over. I’m not sure which is worse-the fact that they are here or the fact that they are here thriving in a house which is home to 4 dogs and 5 cats!!!

The problem became apparent back in August, when TJ was here. She had turned the tables and was shrinking ME hard and fast, working her way up to deep and probing on a fine fall day. The only thing I could do is cut and run, so I headed to the kitchen and started playing in the Tupperware, only to find that there were mouse turds everywhere.

So I began pulling out a few items to run thru the dishwasher, and found that the turds were more extensive than it first appeared. Having suitably sidetracked TJ with this discovery, she did what all good friends would do—(no MET, she did not pack and go home) she switched from shrink to scrubber and we spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning my kitchen.

TLFs (the little fuckers) had been partying hard in the Tupperware and under the sink area. They had found a bag of puppy chow in a third area to supplement their diet of sponges and soap powder from the sink. SIGH. TJ is truly a saint to have spent an afternoon scrubbing mouse shit. You can pretty much bet I would not have done the same for her.

The Earthpigs joined us on the weekend to go shopping up in Asheville, and an excellent time was had by all. Sunday morning was spent lazily recovering from the festivities of Saturday. I was standing at the stove about to cook lunch and a blur of gray ran past my outstretched hand. Much to the amusement of all, I screamed. Well, it was not exactly a bloodcurdling scream, it was more like a yelp, followed by much cursing. Earthpig came to my rescue, grabbed TLF and took him outside.

Mice under my cabinets is one thing, but right out in the open is another. TLFs had to die. We sent Surlyman out to buy traps and by the time the Earthpigs had departed Sunday afternoon I believe we had killed 4. Over the next week, the death toll abated to about 1 a day, and so we believed we had won.

Until we got home from the cruise. Surlyman and his buddy Jethro told us that they had been seeing mice in Fozzie’s office. They only noticed because TLFs had been making appearances around the game boxes they were using. SIGH. My MIL was going to be here for Thanksgiving, and you just can’t have TLF sightings with the in laws around.

Once more into the fray, with plenty of peanut butter as bait. Fozzie and Surlyman discover that the insurgents have set up a base camp in the vicinity of the birdcages. They are using our library as bedding and supplies, to supplement their new diet of birdseed. The death toll is high on the first day, and then down to 1 every few days. All seems to be well. The tide has turned again.

Until this weekend. I stumble into my bathroom, park on my throne and begin to survey my kingdom. All is still well with my world, until I look up at my skylight. The little fuckers have now chewed a hole in my bathroom ceiling!!! As there is a 10 foot drop from the hole to the bathtub below, we cannot imagine why they would put a hole there. If they jump or fall out of this hole, they will be trapped in the tub below. Unless they are using parachutes or hang gliders made out of plastic wrap to glide out onto the floor.

Fozzie believes they are using the ceiling hole for espionage purposes. Espionage my ass, we’ve brought out the big guns now. Camoflague duct tape. When all else fails, duct it.

To be continued