The Eyes have it

“And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious
And she knows just what it
Takes to make a pro blush” *


I have known MET for about 15 years now. For almost all of that time, we have been mistaken for each other. We have never seen the slightest resemblance, other than the fact that we are both short, rather loud-mouthed brunettes who wear glasses. My own mother has seen a picture of MET, in MET’s own house, in MET’s own photo album and asked her why she had a picture of me that young when we didn’t know each other then. It boggles the mind.

Earthpig’s boss on Guam was in charge of “the Sty” while the Pigs were on vacation to the States. Sgt Psycho met the Pigs at the airport upon their return. Sgt Psycho began to explain that the single troops who had been staying in the house had returned to the barracks, but he could not vouch for the cleanliness of “the Sty” after their departure. He then told the Earthpigs that MET had the keys to their house, and she said to just come in to the kitchen and get the keys without waking anybody since it was the middle of the night.

MET looks at Sgt Psycho and calmly asks, “who has the housekeys?” Psycho replies “MET has your keys and you are to go to her house and get them.” MET questions Psycho about the keys a few more times and is told each time that MET has them. MET finally looks at Psycho and yells “Psycho, I AM MET, who has my frigging housekeys ??????” Psycho steps back, realizes what he has been saying and then says “Bluejinx has your house keys” Seeing as how I also worked in the same office as Sgt Psycho, and he saw me in uniform all day long with my name on my chest, you would think that would have helped.

It got so bad that at one point MET made us tee shirts. Mine said “I am NOT MET”, hers said “I am NOT Bluejinx”. We would wear them to parties, but it didn’t help one bit. People would forever confuse the two of us. This is where the Evil Twin comes from. Each of us thinks the other is the Evil Twin. Most of our friends and family refuse to answer the question as to which of us is the Good Twin and which the Bad. It is a long standing joke.

So we headed out last month on our long awaited cruise. One night before dinner, myself, MET, CombatMom, TJ and the Geek went down to the Photo Gallery to check on the times that formal portraits would be available. MET and I are standing together talking to the photographer, a lovely Indian man named Dushynet. I hate to be terribly un-PC but you must imagine this conversation with Dush while hearing the voice of Apu from “The Simpsons”.

“You have the daughter who likes to pose!” and Dush points to me-Bluejinx. Piglet #1 has been voguing every time she has seen a camera and all the photographers know her. I laugh and say that MET is the mom of both the young ladies. Dush is confused about who our hubbies are too, so we pull out pictures of Fozzie and Earthpig and explain. TJ comes over about now and chastises MET for flirting with Dush, and vows to tell EP that she is flirting with all the crew. I reply that we just showed Dush our hubbies photos and he KNOWS why we are flirting with him. The Geek chimes in now and asks Dush which of us is the Evil Twin. Dush doesn’t understand right away, so we all help by saying “mean, nasty, EVIL” all the lovely adjectives we can think of. Dush listens to us, hears a word he understands (mean) looks at the 2 of us and without hesitation says “it is her!” and points to MET. “She is the evil one, it is the eyes!!”

We are howling. Proof positive from an unbiased source that MET is the Evil One.
TJ, the Geek and CombatMom figure they have done enough damage for one night and they slip away. Too bad for them, the best was yet to come.

“It is the eyes!” I catch my breath long enough to point out that she has 2 beautiful daughters, she needs to have mean eyes. Dush says “I am afraid” and drops his eyes to the floor. I can barely stand up at this point. Dush says “If I had a daughter, and I put your picture on my wall and she saw it, she would cry all the time and never sleep.”

At this point the tears begin to come. MET and I are almost unable to breath, we are laughing so hard. I am kicking myself for not wearing Depends. We decide that we have had enough and need to go now (straight to the Ladies room) and as we are leaving Dush says to MET “but you are the more beautiful one”. I agree.

At dinner MET and I tell the others what all Dush as said. TJ, Geek and CombatMom are sorry they left so soon. Fozzie and Earthpig just sigh and shake their heads.

On formal night we all troop out to have portraits done which you can see below. After dinner that night, MET and I decide to find Dushynet and get our picture made with him since we will be talking about him for years to come. Dush was set up by the casino and he looks up and sees us approaching. He immediately blushed and dropped his eyes to the floor. We start laughing and then tell him that he has made THE most enjoyable cruise memory for us and we would like to have our picture taken with him.


He agrees and then he decides he wants to photograph us together. MET and I have several shots taken, but this one:

Proves beyond a doubt that she is truly the Evil Twin. It is the eyes.



“She'll let you take her home
It whets her appetite
She'll lay you on her throne
She got Bette Davis eyes
She'll take a tumble on you
Roll you like you were dice
Until you come out blue
She's got Bette Davis eyes ” * 1981 “Bette Davis Eyes” Kim Carnes