MouseWars Episode III
Revenge of the Shit
Things are getting rather grim. Casualties on both sides are beginning to rise.
The Friday night after the last rant, (which Fozzie hadn’t read or known about) he comes down the hall, absolutely incensed. “Little MotherFuckers!!! This means war!”
One of the bold insurgents had been seen by Fozzie, hanging from the bars of a bird cage. Taking it personally, Fozzie set out traps and went to bed early. Around 2200 hours, a trailer-rattling crash comes from my bedroom. As the aftershocks subside, Fozzie emerges, limping but victorious with a dead TLF clutched in his hand. Upon hearing the trap go off, Fozzie had attempted to leap from the waterbed and claim his victory. Unfortunately he tangled his feet in the quilt, twisted around and slammed himself down onto his left knee. Not being as slim as he used to be, the impact of his full weight onto his one little kneecap was considerable, and he is just now recovering full use of the limb.
Last weekend, Fozzie and I braved the battlefield for Search and Recovery of any usable items. Oh. My. GOD. The little fuckers have been much busier and much more destructive than we thought. There was nothing in the cabinets that they had not attempted to destroy. They even ate Surlymon’s baby book for crying out loud!! Upon pulling out the cabinet unit for deeper cleaning we discovered this:
They have chewed thru the baseboard in the office and have been coming thru in WAVES!! Mother fuckers. They even enlarged the peephole in my bathroom ceiling. When Fozzie and I came off our mouse shit/piss cleaning fluid high, we went in search of bigger guns. We returned with more traps and poison. Our resolve is still strong, but the psychological aspects of this war are beginning to wear thin. Fozzie has reoccurring nightmares involving hordes of the little brown fuckers rappelling from the ceiling and surrounding him. As the body count continues to rise, we realize that after the New Year we may need to call for a mercenary. SIGH.
Merry Fucking Xmas from the Front.
posted by Bluejinx @ 1:00 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Well, happily your casualities are minor compared to theirs. Certainly not belittling Fozz's knee, I am SURE it hurt alot; but he is still alive!!! I am surprised you haven't gotten out the gun yet and started picking the little guys off one by one. Sitting in your office, combat paint on your face and the music of hungry hawks (psychological warfare) playing in the background.
I would say, get another cat and train it to become a mouser, but I am not sure, at this point, that one cat will do. When we come up we can go to the pet store and see if they have mouse flavored catfood to teach the ones you already have that these little guys are good for food; or atleast best dead!
Maybe if you do a little sonic warfare that will help too. http://www.healthsafetypro.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=SON-PC600C&Category_Code=PESTC
Anything that will work will be good. I would hate to come up one w/e, wake up in the morning and see Fozzie tied down like Gulliver by the Liliputians.
As a matter of fact I have some mousers down here. If I can catch them do you want them? I think you are past the mercenary stage, you need mercenarIES!
If I get The Geek to buy me a pellet gun I could come up for a week (with my bdu's and camo paint) and help defend your home. Would you let me shoot it in your house? I never did get my Marksman Ribbon so you might want to think about that.
One more thought - are you setting traps and poison under the house? Might help.
Dead mice everywhere. Poisoning the little guys to death. Them falling dead before they ever reach the hammer of the trap. Picture it, mice wandering through the maze of the house, delirious from the poison. They see the food. Raggedly they wander toward the food never realizing how close death is. What will get them first? the poison or the trap? See little dead bodies, hands outstretched to reach the last morsel they will eat, dying before their final meal. How sad.
How happy for Jinx and Fozzie. They don't have to continue to reset the traps. Just pick up the little guys and toss them. As for their last meal??? Well, who needs a dead fat mouse? And, honestly, why should they have to pay to feed them? I think they have eaten enough!
Go here and see how dangerous this could be. The mouse can gain revenge in the strangest way.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/01/08/mouse.fire.ap/index.html
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