Girls Gone Wild--PanhandlePalooza

Day One

Yes indeed, 3 middle-aged broads turned loose in the Panhandle for a week. If you are a nervous type, you should stop reading right now, cause we did it all. The poor Geek will never be the same, as he was our host for this vacation. Blood and guts, food and fun, life and death, wool p0rn and ceiling fans, and that is all that I can remember after the week it took to recover.

We begin our adventure travelling down to TET's house. I stayed the night at the Sty, and TET was heard to complain to the Earthpig about the amount of STUFF I had brought for the trip. Earthpig was not sympathetic, telling her that she had never been TDY with me, and that the majority of my suitcase was filled with every pair of underwear that I owned. What can I say, I hate to do laundry while away from home.

Thursday May 4th dawns bright and early and TET and I hit the road in her new Mazda 6 5-speed with cruise control. TET drives the first leg, and I plan to drive after Jacksonville as we head west. First leg goes smoothly, as we piddle around stopping when we need to and being in no general hurry. And then we hit I-10. Not to brag or anything, but TET and I between us have literally been around the world, and I have driven many many roads in many countries, and even on the "wrong" side of the road, and I have NEVER been on a more BORING, ENDLESS stretch of highway than I-10.
It took forever. And ever. There was nothing to see, nowhere to stop, nothing to do.
NOTHING.

On the west side of Tallahassee, TET had had enough of my granny driving (I will only go 5 over posted)so she tried her hand at I-10. Didn't matter. Even at 80/85 mph, it was BORING. ENDLESS. NOTHING. Absolutely exhausting.

We persevere, and arrive at Geek Central before the sun sets. TET and I are both legless after so many hours in the car, and terribly worn out from the time we spent on I-10. TJ, our unsuspecting hostess, is also quite tired as she got up with the rooster next door and spent the day cleaning her house. Silly girl.

The plan was for us to go into Destin on Friday and get tattoos. After many years of debate, I had finally found the perfect design and had steeled myself into believing that I could stand the pain without making a scene. TET planned on getting her 25 year old cougar re-inked, and TJ was undecided as to what her second tat was gonna be. With these plans all made, I hit the shower to get the travel scum off of me. By the time I got out, plans had changed. You gotta watch that TET at all times. She decided that a kamikazi approach to my first tattoo was a sure way to avoid a scene, so off we went to Destin. Thursday night.

All the research I had done about tattoos said you should have a good nights sleep, full stomach, calm attitude, etc. I had been travelling for 2 days, had just spent 12 hours on the road, had NOT been sleeping well for the last week due to ear infections, was starving to death, and not a bit calm. You know, my usual state--a nervous wreck.

So, we arrive at Alan's Cool Ink about 40 minutes to closing time. The artist that TJ wanted was in Germany, so I was going to be inked by Sandy, the owners daughter.
Sandy was tied up with a couple of drunks that we named Dip and Stick, and so we had to wait for her to settle with them before beginning. I was still very tired, so I got a pillow out of the car and went to lay out on the sofa while waiting. Sandy saw me carrying a pillow, and got nervous, thinking that I thought my ankle tattoo was going to be done with me laying down, as opposed to sitting up in the chair. TET just laughed and said I was napping. Dip and Stick finally decided upon their designs, but not who was gonna go first, and they left a deposit to come back the next day, when they were sober. Yeah, right. Sandy was well and truly irritated with them, and didn't look like she was ready to put up with a nervous middle-aged broad. She was great.

TET and TJ whipped out the cameras, I plopped down in the chair and Sandy got to work. TET decided to hold my hand, in case I needed it when she put the needle on me the first time. I clamped down, Sandy started, I felt the slightest pinch and that was it. I dropped TETs hand, leaned over and looked to make sure Sandy was still inking me. IT DID NOT HURT Ya'll. Its a good thing I had witnesses, because even as I type this I know ya'll think I'm lying. I was THERE and I don't believe it.



We have several theories to explain the lack of pain while getting an ankle tattoo.
TET believes that her kamikazi approach of riding in a car all day is the reason, TJ thinks that wearing bloused fatigues tucked in combat boots is the reason, Fozzie thinks that getting Surlymon thru Jr and Sr High School has destroyed all my nerve endings. Earthpig said that sometimes, they just don't hurt. Whatever the case may be, I seem to have won the Tattoo Lottery, and therefore will probably not push my luck with a second tattoo. Or if I do, it won't be where TJ got her second tattoo.
But that is a story for another day.

After getting inked, TET and TJ give deposits and make appointments to get theirs on Friday night. We decide to head over to O'Charlies for food before heading home to the Geek, who hasn't bothered to check his messages and doesn't know where we are.
Our waitperson is named Kelly, and tired as we all are, we don't know immediately if Kelly is a girl or a guy. Kelly is in her early 20s, long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, bound breasts, forearm tattoos. We were tired, what can I say?

As our meal progresses, I am half asleep in my soup, TET is going strong and TJ is a little worse for wear. Kelly stops by the table, and works up the nerve to ask whose cell phone is that with the rainbow charms? As TJ struggles to answer that she just likes rainbows, it occurs to Kelly that she has made a HUGE mistake. Being half asleep, I was not immediately aware what was going on, and when I heard TJ stumbling out her answer, I swing around and say "Oh, we left her in Detroit, she didn't come on this trip". Poor Kelly. We were not trying to be rude, TJ was quite flattered, I think. But we felt bad that we were so clumsy, and Kelly was embarrased. Oh well. What do you expect from a bunch of Middle Aged Broads??